I found out today, I’ll be having a miscarriage at 8 weeks. I’m going to be 43 years old in a few weeks and I never thought I would be going through this
The first prenatal checkup is usually scheduled at week 8. It’s a long wait between getting the positive pregnancy test and getting confirmation via ultrasound. I wish there was a quick intermediate test other than blood work to give a pregnant lady some peace of mind.
The waiting game is anything but pleasant whether you are waiting for a response from an interview, a date or a result on a test. Waiting causes anxiety!
Although it’s best not to share pregnancy news until 3 months, I was so excited about being pregnant at my age. I shared my news with whoever I saw. I’d pass a neighbor on the street and they’d say “Hey Jen, how are you?” I’d respond with, “I’m pregnant!”
I had a constant mental checklist of how I was feeling. “Am I nauseous? Do I have cravings? Food aversions? Bloating? Fatigue? Do I feel pregnant?”
Although symptoms vary by individual, it’s helpful to hear about other people’s experiences, especially when we are unsure. Interestingly, my internet searches about pregnancy in my 40s did not result in much useful information at all. I found generic bullet points about whether it’s possible to get pregnant in your 40s and that was it.
My Miscarriage Symptoms at 8 weeks:
I started to spot.
Although light spotting is common in the first trimester, mine came on each morning around 5 weeks of pregnancy for a few days and then again at 7.5 weeks. It was not bright red which would indicate a problem, and it usually occurred only first thing in the morning.
I had NO morning sickness.
While pregnant with my two boys, I suffered from severe morning sickness for about 7 months. It was debilitating. This time, I had none. People told me it may be because I am much older and my hormones may be different.
I had strong food cravings but no food aversions or sharper sense of smell.
With both of my previous pregnancies, my taste buds changed and I became very sensitive to smells.
My energy increased.
This pregnancy started off with intense fatigue. I would fall asleep in the middle of the day and then again at 8 pm for the night. Then at around 6 weeks, the fatigue disappeared.
But my breasts became and stayed engorged.
My breasts were engorged throughout my pregnancy. I hung on to this symptom as the reason I must still be pregnant. Also, I visited my doctor for HCG level testing at 4 weeks. My hormone levels confirmed my pregnancy.
My Thoughts About Pregnancy at 43
Dave and I started talking about trying for a 3rd child around Thanksgiving 2015. I always wanted to have a girl in the mix of our family. I felt like the last chance we had to give it a good shot.
My personality can be pretty neurotic. I knew I would obsess for 9 months about the health of the baby due to my age regardless of a clear CVS test. So I thought if we are going to try, we need to get the show on the road!
I wish we had planned for another pregnancy a year or two after my second son Jake was born. But at that time, I was in baby hell with 2 littles that were 18 months apart. Perpetually in a dirty t-shirt with cargo pants and ponytail, I was frazzled. Dave and I swore we were done having kids.
It was hard to imagine how we would feel years down the road.
Finding Out I Was Having a Miscarriage
As I sit here reflecting on my visit with the doctor who squeezed me in for an appointment 1 day early due to my concerns, my mind keeps going back to the ultrasound. The picture of my uterus came up on the screen and the doctor was silent. She just stood there moving the camera around and around, examining the picture.
It was such a long 60 seconds. Slow motion, actually. I imagine it’s the same when you are going through an accident or having a life-altering moment where time stands still and things seem surreal.
Finally, she told me the baby was not viable. The baby should have been measuring an inch and a half or so, but there was nothing. The doctor said I was definitely pregnant because my uterus was showing as pregnant (I wish I asked more questions about what exactly this meant) and I had pregnancy hormones, but the baby never developed.
As I processed my thoughts and feelings with this new information, I instinctively knew I was going to be okay. Is it age that helps us put things into perspective? Or is it because I subconsciously prepared myself for this news all along? It may have been that I was satisfied before pregnancy and knew to be grateful for the life I already have.
Immediately I thought “if it was going to happen this way, I am glad it happened this early.” I am blessed with two children already. Although it was disappointing to learn I will not be having a third child, I realize that this time, it was not meant to be.
I smiled at the doctor, asked a few questions, and left to meet my friend Julie for lunch. I called my husband to update him and then sent a text to some of my girlfriends, letting them know the news. Within minutes, a few of them showed up at the restaurant.
It is so important to have a strong support system. For me, I get a lot of miscarriage support from my friends. There is something about a strong bond between women that is so powerful and therapeutic. Thankfully, I’ve enjoyed close friendships since childhood. They got me through many hard times in my life, especially in my younger years. Click to read about my life growing up – I think you’ll find it interesting.
As I wait for Dave to come home from work to talk about the lost baby, I feel peaceful. Will we try again? Hmmm, today, I say no. But who knows what tomorrow will bring. For now, I think I will just BE. No regrets. No what ifs. Just live in the moment.
I’d love to touch base with you with new posts and give you access to my new freebie resource library where I’m adding new goodies to each day.